Aggravating Anticipation

        Excitement bubbles in my stomach as my brother and I race down the stairs. The classic Christmas story of seeing what Santa had brought the night before. We’d search the presents for our names, marveling at the different tags he used, covered in glitter and colors. Of course we had to guess what was in them as well, poking them to see what they might be. Then we’d race up the stairs to wake my parents up and beg them to come downstairs to open up presents. 

Leading up to this moment, I was going crazy. As the days got closer, I just couldn’t wait. I almost hated the feeling. The anticipation of just wanting it to be there already. It’s painful and miserable. Instead of focusing on the present, all you can think of is the future. Of that which occupies your mind always. Knowing that it’s not here yet but wishing with all your might that it would be. 

The same thing happens on my birthday. Or when I have something coming in the mail. Or when I’ve just taken a test and am waiting for the grade. 

Falling asleep the night before is the worst because the same thought that was filling your head in the days before is amplified and neverending as you try to quiet your mind and go to sleep. It makes you squirm to think about because all you want to do is jump into the next day and get going. It fills you with energy and exhilaration but at a time when all of those feelings have nowhere to go. They can only go into the air as you try to relax your body and drift off to sleep.  

Now I've learned to try not to think about what I look forward to until the day of. Sometimes it’s by accident but often on purpose. Sometimes I forget my birthday is coming up, maybe because I don’t want as many things or because my mind is too focused on other things. But at least I don’t have to sit in anticipation for weeks. That’s accidental, though. On the other hand, thinking about college decisions is purposeful. Even just writing about it, I can feel myself getting irritated with anticipation, the desire to just know if I got in or not, the decision determining what happens in my next four years. So I decide not to dwell on it. If it ever comes up, I just think about something else. Sometimes it’s impossible because the things that bother us tend to be what we think about most, but somehow it has been working with my mind and college decisions. 

Yet there is fun to be had in anticipating something. It’s not always bad. Christmas has a whole season of anticipation, a month to bask in the holiday spirit. That’s part of the joy. Sometimes that’s even more fun than the day itself. Looking forward to something can be part of the fun. A motivator to encourage you to get your work done before the big party. A point of joy that makes you smile every time you think about it. So I suppose it’s different for every situation, but, as they say, the journey can be valuable too.  

Comments

  1. MasonNovember 30, 2023 at 6:56 AM

    Your description hits the nail on the head when it comes to that feeling of anticipation. I think the racing thoughts, struggle to focus, and excitement is very relatable. I like how you add a contrast between waiting for Christmas gifts and other things. I think that's a great reflection and pretty personal. The idea that anticipation can be joyful and discomforting is interesting. The last sentence brings something open-ended for readers to think about and recognizing that the journey holds value, as opposed to just the end goal, and I think it's a pretty sensible perspective. Overall, your description is nice and captures that roller coaster of emotions. Great Post!

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  2. Grace ToDecember 7, 2023 at 7:44 AM

    I like the stories and descriptions you used in your essay! I've also stopped anticipating future events because I found that half the time I start becoming delusional and end up being disappointed when the day actually comes. I think your beginning hook could have a clearer transition to the body of your essay, when you talk about how you feel. You could include more details in general in each of your anecdotes and complete the narrative about Christmas, which I think feels unfinished.

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  3. DmitryDecember 7, 2023 at 12:13 PM

    I think that you did really good job of writing the narrative portion of your essay. However, I do think that there are some issue in the reflection section. I think that the big issue is that the transition between the two sections isn't 100% clear. This creates a sort of aimlessness to the reflection where it's hard to understand what the reason is for what you are telling us. I think that if you could fix that issue then you would have a really good essay. I wish you the best of luck in those writings.

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  4. Miranda BurgosDecember 8, 2023 at 5:54 PM

    Great essay Lisa! I can definitely relate. I also could not think of anything else when I was excited for something as a kid. I loved how you included multiple perspectives; you discussed both how anticipation can be stressful but also the joy that comes from it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fallon McFarlandDecember 13, 2023 at 6:20 AM

    Great essay! I really like your jumping-off point as Christmas-- it's very in-character. Your narration and reflection are pretty well-balanced. Right now it feels like you're jumping around a lot, you might consider grouping narration of anticipation with the different ideas about it: like, introduce that it's great and talk about that, then introduce that it sucks and talk about that. Good job!

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