Pop
I grew up a perfectionist. I needed everything to be just right before I let anyone see it. I wasn’t satisfied unless it was an A+. Yes. I was that kid. Disappointed by a 96. Don’t get ahead of yourself. That is not a testament to my intelligence. All that means is I lived in a bubble that was about to be popped.
As my 8th grade year trailed off in 2020, classes were barely taking place and most assignments were optional because we were still adjusting to the pandemic. I had a relaxed summer, watching TV. And more TV. When I happened to go outside around once a week, I was always shocked by nature and hadn’t even realized that I had been gone from it for so long. But then I went back inside and continued to…. you guessed it, watch TV.
As per usual, school started again in August. Yet the ongoing pandemic forced us to resume online classes. It started off swimmingly; homework was light, teachers were lenient, class was straightforward. Yet I hadn’t left my summer schedule. I was still spending hours watching TV every day, speeding through many shows. In theory it could be fun, but in reality I felt miserable. Literally all I did was sit on the couch (some like to refer to this state of being as being a couch potato). As the year went on, my grades started to drop. Slowly at first, from an A to a B. Then I looked at PowerSchool; I don’t think I had ever had all 5 at once before. Contrary to what you might expect, I was amused by the letters. Previously, in middle school, I had cried because I had an 88% in study hall. Yet I was laughing at the Fs and Cs that decorated my screen; maybe it was a way of coping, maybe it was genuine amusement, but nonetheless it happened.
But do not worry, I still had my perfectionism buried deep beneath the facade. My low, sometimes failing, grades were not from low scores but rather from missing scores. I understood all that was happening in my classes, but I just kept watching TV instead of completing the assignments. Some may consider this decision the opposite of perfectionism, but the delay was because I refused to turn them in incomplete but lacked the motivation to get started. Luckily for me, most teachers accepted assignments without a late penalty, but it was certainly a struggle. My perfectionist self stayed on top of going to classes, (mostly) paying attention, and taking detailed notes, but could not handle reading assignments and essays. Blogs were simply completion and yet I never submitted them on time. My perfectionism saved my grades in the end because although the assignments were extremely late, I only turned them in if I thought they were…well, perfect.
The end of the pandemic was a relief. My perfectionism had been cracked in half when I got back to in-person school. I was determined to regain my good-student persona, but I never quite got back to that. I began gradually submitting things on time again, but I did notice less stress around the grade being perfect. I had seen the entire scale of letters that I was going for ‘good’ instead of ‘perfect.’ I started accepting my mistakes because I saw the improvement from what I had been doing online, and all I could do was feel relief that I was regaining semi-responsibility. Although I still sometimes find it difficult to see lower grades on assignments, I feel much less stress around them because I know I tried and at least I did it. I never would have accepted even an A- on any assignment before, living in my bubble where only 100% was acceptable. But sometimes the bubble needs to be popped.
I can relate to not leaving my summer schedule during the start of online school. I think it was especially hard because during in-person school, you had to be there and work but online, you could do anything you wanted at home. The narration is nice and it flows. I can follow the story well. I think this would benefit if you added some more reflection. I want to hear your opinion on whether you wanted the bubble to pop or if you would rather still have that perfectionist mentality. If you elaborate on which one is better, I think you'll have a great reflection.
ReplyDeleteHey Lisa, great job on your essay (btw it is really relatable)! Your introduction nicely establishes your perfectionist mindset and sets the stage for the changes you experienced during the pandemic. Your use of humor adds an amusing touch to your narrative because it helps readers connect with your experiences. The reflection on your changed perspective after returning to in-person classes is really cool. Maybe try elaborating on the emotions you felt during this transition. How did you feel when you started accepting lower grades? Overall, your essay is very well-written and fun to read. Great job, Lisa!
ReplyDeleteGood essay. I really liked how you illustrated how your perfectionism has evolved over the years, and how it slowly diminished over the years. I think it was a great way of addressing the prompt using a long-term narrative, and how you interacted with multiple things, like HW, classes, checking your grades. Maybe an area of expansion would be better describing the cause-effect relationship between your online freshman year, and the years later. I get that 9th grade was a turning point, but I think it's a bit harder to exactly see why you changed your approach after that.
ReplyDeleteMy pandemic experience was the exact same, I was a straight A student and then freshman year started and I was a C & D student. I like your tone throughout the essay, it's very conversational. I think you do a good job of narrating and storytelling. But I think you need some more reflection so that the reader can see how and why you changed and also how your change is still positively effecting you. Overall good job.
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