Family (pl)

  My family is large. I got to see that every Christmas as my cousins, great aunts and uncles, and people I didn’t even recognize all gathered into one small house. We drove hours down to their house and back up in the same night just to be there for those few hours on Christmas Eve. I don’t have a lot of memories of this, just glimpses of random moments and an associated feeling of pure joy. I remember always receiving a present, but I can’t remember a single thing I got because that wasn’t the important part. I just felt safe and loved. 

Then one Christmas, it stopped. My great aunt died, and we all fell out of contact. My family no longer seemed large. The last time I saw many of them was at her funeral. She was the one who always brought us together. While listening to people at school talk about their holiday plans, I found myself longing to have those family gatherings again. Others had three Thanksgiving dinners to attend… I had one regular dinner. Others had been to tons of their relatives’ weddings…I had never been to any. Others had favorite cousins they looked forward to seeing…I couldn’t remember my cousins’ personalities. 

We went 8 years before seeing our extended family again. For the first few years, I barely celebrated most holidays. But then I was adopted into a friend group. As all friend groups start, it was awkward and strange at first. I’d hangout with them at school but not really outside of it. I enjoyed hanging out with them, but we only got together outside of school when we had a group project to work on. But then we got closer and started hanging out more. Over the course of a few years, we began celebrating holidays together. We’d have Christmas gift exchanges, New Year’s Eve sleepovers, and surprise birthday parties. I would go home after seeing them each time feeling completely fulfilled and happy with life. 

Something similar happened with my parents. They had their work friends, but then our families began to spend time together. They would invite us over for game nights, and we would spend hours chatting. I looked forward to seeing them every time, and they would always have something new to tell us with the greatest excitement that filled me with warmth. 

These feelings were almost the same as how I had felt going to my great aunt’s all those years before. I felt safe and loved and happy. We became so close with my mom’s friends and my friends that we went skiing with them, as we had done so many times before with our immediate family and cousins. This was the Spencer family trademark. 

I felt connected again, and then one day my dad randomly decided we would go see his brother and my cousins for Christmas. So we hauled ourselves down to my uncle’s house for three days. While there, I was learning about my cousins from a blank slate. The only thing I knew about them were their names. 

But then we went to dinner and watched movies. We bonded over my cousin’s strange obsession with goldish, taught everyone Spades, and saw the joy that entered my dad’s laugh. I had completely forgotten what seeing extended family was like. 

My family realized how much we had missed out on, so we’ve had several get-togethers since. I haven’t always known who my family was, but now I do. Although my family has now realized the value in getting together so we don’t lose touch, it will still be a struggle. However, I’ve realized family isn’t limited to blood. Thus, lucky for me, I have acquired more than one family. I will treasure them forever. My family has become plural.

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